How to Fail Spectacularly

by Mark on January 6, 2010

Are you burdened with a seemingly neverending stream of successes? Is your life one tedious victory after another? Does everything you touch turn to gold? Does it seem like you succeed no matter what you do? Well, don’t despair! I was once in your position, but I found a way to turn it all around. I discovered a set of strategies that failures have passed down through the ages. Apply these strategies and you too can be a spectacular failure!

The Secret Strategies of Achieving Spectacular Failure

1) Don’t have a direction for your life. Do you have a dream, a vision, a mission, or goals for your life? Get rid of them! Getting clear about what you want puts you at risk of actually moving towards your desires. Don’t take the chance! Try to be as confused as possible. This will ensure that you are inconsistent in your actions, which will eliminate the possibility of getting anywhere near what you want.

2) Give up. Immediately. Are you one of those people who relentlessly pursues their objectives and simply won’t be denied? Well, stop it! This is one of the most common mistakes that people burdened with success make.

3) Stop taking care of yourself physically. If you currently exercise, eat right, sleep soundly, and routinely see your doctor, put an end to it immediately. Taking care of your health will only give you energy and make you feel good, which will only make it more difficult to resist doing things that make you successful.

4) Give everything you do equal priority in your schedule. Successful people invariably tend to prioritize their activities based on how important the activity is to their life. Big mistake. This dooms people to a life of success and happiness. Don’t let it happen to you.

5) Spread yourself too thin. Don’t focus your time and energy on a limited set of activities. This will only allow you to avoid distractions, think clearly, and actually get things done instead of just spinning your wheels. If you are serious about being a spectacular failure, then you must avoid the power of concentrated focus at all costs.

6) Procrastinate. One of the best ways to avoid being successful is by continually putting off the actions that lead to success until later. Break the bad habit of taking the bull by the horns and getting things done. It takes practice, but you can develop the habit of doing nothing if you put your mind to it.

7) Sell yourself short. Confidence causes people to want to take action, and action increases your probability of doing something successful. We covered the problem of taking action in failure strategy #6.

8) Be mean to people and never help anyone. This is crucial. If you ignore this strategy, the people around you might actually be supportive of you and help you, which is exactly what we don’t want.

9) Live above your means. People who spend less than they earn inevitably accumulate assets, and before they know it, they are wealthy. It’s not too late to get off the road to riches. It’s not difficult. Just spend all of your cash, and then when you run out of cash, borrow heavily to keep spending. A crushing debt load that eliminates any possibility of living your dreams is not out of reach.

10) Stop educating yourself. If you keep educating yourself, you might actually learn something that would make you more successful. Then you might actually use that knowledge to improve your life. Remove the temptation by not learning anything ever again.

11) Be irresponsible. If you are tired of being successful all the time, then one of the worst things that you can do is take personal responsibility for your life. If you instead blame others, blame your environment, and blame your circumstances, then failure is assured. For added effect, it also helps to whine and complain.

These are proven strategies that have helped millions of people achieve spectacular failure throughout history. If you are sick and tired of being successful and prosperous, begin to use these strategies. I guarantee you that the results will be disastrous.

What strategies do you use to fail spectacularly?

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